Maunderings



Once upon a time, there was a fetching young wolverine who, wearing her favorite red hood, went skipping through the fields, on the way to her grandmother’s house, carrying a basket of tasty goodies.*
A wolf, who was lurking at the edge of the woods, descended upon the young wolverine and said “Hello, little red riding wolverine, and where are you going in such a hurry?”
"To visit my grandmother," said the young wolverine, as demure and maidenly as a gravelly wolverine baritone can be.
"To visit your…to…grand…to..my goodness, what big teeth you have…" said the wolf, who seemed to have lost his train of thought somewhere.
The wolverine nodded.
"And what…big…claws…you have…" said the wolf, in much the same tone as General Custer commenting on the surprising number of locals at Little Bighorn.
The wolverine nodded.
"I’ll just bugger off, shall I?" said the wolf.
The wolverine nodded.
The wolf slunk gratefully back into the trees and hyperventilated quietly, and the little red riding wolverine skipped merrily through the woods to her grandmother’s house and they ate assorted rodents and watched cartoons and baked cookies happily ever after.  - Ursula Vernon
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*Pepperidge Farms’ Mixed Rodent Party Assortment, to be precise, a pretty good value for the money, although everybody always picks through and eats the gerbils first.

Once upon a time, there was a fetching young wolverine who, wearing her favorite red hood, went skipping through the fields, on the way to her grandmother’s house, carrying a basket of tasty goodies.*

A wolf, who was lurking at the edge of the woods, descended upon the young wolverine and said “Hello, little red riding wolverine, and where are you going in such a hurry?”

"To visit my grandmother," said the young wolverine, as demure and maidenly as a gravelly wolverine baritone can be.

"To visit your…to…grand…to..my goodness, what big teeth you have…" said the wolf, who seemed to have lost his train of thought somewhere.

The wolverine nodded.

"And what…big…claws…you have…" said the wolf, in much the same tone as General Custer commenting on the surprising number of locals at Little Bighorn.

The wolverine nodded.

"I’ll just bugger off, shall I?" said the wolf.

The wolverine nodded.

The wolf slunk gratefully back into the trees and hyperventilated quietly, and the little red riding wolverine skipped merrily through the woods to her grandmother’s house and they ate assorted rodents and watched cartoons and baked cookies happily ever after.  - Ursula Vernon

—————————

*Pepperidge Farms’ Mixed Rodent Party Assortment, to be precise, a pretty good value for the money, although everybody always picks through and eats the gerbils first.

thegadaboutgirl:

whowasntthere:

championofazura:

Girls, romanticize yourselves. You are a queen. You are a warrior. You are an enchantress. You are a mermaid. You are a goddess. You are all of these things and more, you are the stuff of fairytales. 

Women, traumatize others. You are a dragon. You are a wolf. You are a bump in the night. You are the last thing they see in the darkness. You are all of these things and more, you are the heart of their fucking nightmares.

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ruyijingu-bang:

fat-tanuki:

thugmissus:

sighruben:

lets face it, tampons are just a cheaper and more compact version of dildos

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I LOVE SHOVING DRY ITCHY COTTON UP MY VAGINA. IT FEELS SO GOOD. NEVERMIND THE FACT THAT IF I GET THE DIRECTION EVEN A LITTLE BIT WRONG IT FEELS LIKE I’M STABBING AT MY INSIDES. I GET OFF ON IT ALL THE TIME, EVEN WHEN I’M NOT ON MY PERIOD.

why is it that boys have no concept of how to pleasure the female body I swear to god

lizzymercierdescloux1979:

things girls do that I love:

  • offer their friends sips of their coffee drinks without being asked
  • scratch each others back
  • say things like “smell this lotion I bought this weekend”
  • compliment each other’s eyebrows 
  • that thing when they agree with you and their eyes get really wide and they nod their head solemnly 
  • throw out each others gum wrappers or chip bags when they get up