Maunderings

youaristocat:

Alternate titles for the Watch series

Sam Vimes Stops Hating Dragons (and Some of the Rich)

Sam Vimes Stops Hating Dwarves, Trolls, and Werewolves

Sam Vimes Stops Hating Golems

Sam Vimes Stops Hating Klatchians

Sam Vimes Really Stops Hating Dwarves

Sam Vimes Stops Hating the Past

Sam Vimes Stops Hating Vampires

Sam Vimes Stops Hating Goblins

I. You do not need a boy to buy expensive, lacy underwear. Wear it for yourself. You look great. Never let anyone convince you otherwise.

II. If you spend all your time waiting for things to happen, you’re letting other people control your fate. Time won’t wait for you. Get a move on.

III. Living off the scraps of love from other people will leave you hungry. Grow to love yourself and you won’t die of starvation.

IV. Learn when to care and when to laugh it off. If somebody hurts you, tell them. If they hurt you again, leave.

V. Life is too short to spend it sad. You don’t need approval to turn up the music and dance like you’re America’s next model. You look funny. Learn to stop caring.

VI. If it’s edible and you’re hungry, eat it. If it’s edible and you want to eat it, eat it. If it’s edible and you’re full , convince the girl in the corner who looks like she’s starving to have it. Tell her she’s goddamn beautiful and repeat it until she smiles.

VII. If he doesn’t call you after your first argument, he won’t call you after your last. If his arms are slack when you make up, he hasn’t let it go. If he can’t look you in the eye when he says he loves you, he’s lying. And if he watches you walk away with tears in your eyes, he’s not the one.

VIII. Your mother went through nine months of hell for you and prepared herself to go through another eighteen years of it. She does not deserve your impatience because some boy did not notice you at school.

IX. Your emotions may not make sense and sometimes you will be irrational, but they will always be valid. You are allowed to cry if you are hurt. You are allowed to find bad jokes funny. And you are allowed to scream if you want to, but it is better to laugh.

X. You are not perfect but that does not give other people the right to use it against you. Stop apologizing for everything. It will not make you more likable. Take responsibility for yourself and demand respect, not compliments.

XI. No one can tell you the meaning of life. Happy people are the ones who have found their own meaning.

#69 “To the girl who sits on the kitchen floor with red eyes” (via blossomfully)

eva-420:

eva-420:

"this lady thinks that men are encouraged to be aggressive and violent? lets threaten her that will show how wrong she is" like what the fuck point do you think youre making 

this post is getting notes again in light of emma watsons speech and it wasnt even about her. this happens literally so constantly i didnt even need to put a name but it will gain notes ad infinitum 

goddamnshinyrock:

"Hobson had tried Boris as a racehorse, and he would have been a very good one were it not for his unbreakable habit, at the off, or attacking the horse next to him and jumping the railings at the first bend. Moist clamped his hand onto his hat, wedged his toes in the bellyband, and hung onto the reins as Broadway came at him all at once, carts and people blurring past, his eyeballs pressing into his head." —Terry Pratchett, Going Postal

I think Boris was my favorite character in Going Postal, tbqh.

“You’re born with a ton of fucks to give, so you spend them like a kid with a credit card. You give fucks about your friends, about your grades, about your fashion sense, about strangers’ opinions. You give way too many fucks about way too many things. You have so many. Then, as you get older, you have maybe 10 fucks per month, so you learn to budget them. You allocate fucks to family and career, but there aren’t enough fucks to give to the newest fads. Oh, someone at work has something they need my help with that’s outside my job title? I’ll do my best to allocate some fucks, but this month is pretty tight. Then, as you get even older, you’re down to 1-2 fucks per month, and those fucks are pretty damn precious. You give them to your family and your hobbies and your job, and that’s kinda it. It’s not your fault – fucks expire too quickly. I would’ve liked to save my fucks from when I was younger but I can’t. Then, you hit fuck insolvency. You’re getting like 1 fuck a year, and you have to make it last. So you go without, and even previously fuck-worthy things, you just can’t give a fuck. Some people run out really quickly, Some people have a fuck trust fund that pays out a decent amount even into old age. But at some point, the fuck faucet runs completely dry and you’re out of fucks to give. It’s just basic Fuckonomics.”

-Unknown English Teacher (via swarthyvillain)

I’ve never read anything more fucking true in my whole fucking life. 

Fuck.

(via unicornempire)